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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn ("In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."). --HP Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

The stars hath turned in the heavens once more: Mighty Cthulhu stirs. His dreams reacheth forth, communing with those with ears to hear. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! His thoughts trample down along the pathways of thy mind; thou knowest His footprints, each of which is a wound...

Tuesday, November 23, 2004





A Knife to a Gunfight

Do conservatives understand that they are constantly being outsmarted by Earth's little despots? Saddam was the most bumbling tyrant the Middle East has seen since Darius, yet even he managed to buy massive amounts of WMD's from Reagan and Bush Sr. He gassed his own civilians with chemical weapons stamped with "Made in USA", and then turned around and bought more WMD's from the US. Let's face it, if it weren't for his megalomania blinding him to the socio-military realities of facing off against the US Army, he'd still be around today. Saddam never really understood the rules of playing the conservatives in Washington, but did alright for two decades nonetheless.

Iran and North Korea, though, they know how to make the conservatives dance. Kim Jong-Il wanted to be bribed or he'd start building nukes. Clinton bought him off. But what does ShrubCo™ do? They bluster, they bully, they strut around like a bunch of drunken cow-hands...and then they buy off Kim Jong-Il after he built a bunch of nukes. So now that little pot-bellied pig will have his bribe, but also has--thanks to the conservatives--a half-dozen nuclear weapons to play with (or, more likely, sell). Lovely.

Iran really knows how to outsmart the conservatives, though. In the 80's, they fought Washington through proxies like Hezbollah, and must have done back-flips of joy when Reagan sent the Marines into Lebanon. Now, a country that had no hope of attacking America suddenly had thousands of ready targets right on Iran's front porch. And Iran wouldn't even have to get dirty doing it; just give money and a nod of approval, and 241 Marines get to die for an ignorant and arrogant conservative agenda that never had any chance of succeeding.

Got a pesky neighbor that you want removed? Trick the US into doing it for you! Just spoon-feed misinformation and money to "dissidents" like Ahmed Chalabi, and the conservatives will do the happy-dance while wetting themselves over an excuse to take out Saddam. There: Problem solved, no Iranians get killed doing it, and--best of all--your sworn enemy is paying in coin and blood for a war that they never had any vested interest in to begin with. Stupid American conservatives: Always bringing a knife to the international arena.

Want some extra money? Want to give your sworn enemy yet another black eye? Why not do both? Do Kim Jong-Il one better by using the nuclear weapons card for money, but also goad the conservatives in Washington into playing the bumbling bully. EU stature goes up, they give us free money, and US stature goes down yet again.

Hmmm, what could be better? Oh, I know! Let's see if we can goad them into another war! We'll just feed the US more misinformation through "dissidents"; works every time. Europe would freak, start to really fear a renewed imperialism in Washington, and cash-in all those US T-Bills they've been sitting on. Voila! The massive Federal defecit comes home in a hurry, the US economy crumbles faster than a Soviet 5-year plan, the US military embarrasses itself by not showing up for a war because they don't have any more bodies to spare, and we get more free money!

Really, this is almost too easy: The conservatives never, ever admit their mistakes, and so can never learn from them. They never budge, they never change: Just the same old failure after arrogant failure, always based upon a stupid and racist "get tough" agenda. Playing them is easy, because the same tricks work every single time.

Maybe the conservative agenda is to get whipped so easily and so often by Tehran and Pyongyang that those tyrants will start to feel guilty and finally back off. That must be it. Because if the conservatives are thinking that they're ever going to outsmart Earth's pettiest tyrannies after 20+ years of deadly failures, then a whole lot more innocents--American and otherwise--are going to suffer:



Posted by: Great Cthulhu / <$BlogItemDateTime $>
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