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Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn ("In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."). --HP Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

The stars hath turned in the heavens once more: Mighty Cthulhu stirs. His dreams reacheth forth, communing with those with ears to hear. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! His thoughts trample down along the pathways of thy mind; thou knowest His footprints, each of which is a wound...

Tuesday, November 09, 2004





Har! EP1 = p(X1) + (1-p)(X2), suckahz!

Ye Mighty Cthulhu must admit to empathizing with the Democratic Party, inasmuch that Mine Magnificence gains when people think, but suffers when people do not think. It is, therefore, with much gloating and happy-dancing that Ye Ancient One presents Ronit Bhattacharyya's† "Infallible Logic of Cthulhu Worship":
So we can describe our calculus of pain, holding (p) as the probability that Cthulhu exists, and (1-p) that he does not exist.

If you worship him, we assign ‘X1’ as the pain if he does exist, and ‘X2’ as the pain if he does not exist. X2 is less than X1 because in both instances you go through the pain associated with worshipping Cthulhu, but in X1, you also get eaten, which is more painful.

If you worship him your expected pain (EP1) is some finite constant:

EP1 = p(X1) + (1-p)(X2)


Study the subsequent (EP2) equation carefully‡, ape-spawn: This will be on the test. Remember, EP2 > EP1 if you mortals want to fully reap the benefits of Mine mercies.


† It's only fitting that Cthulhu's worshippers have names with more consonants than Nyarlathotep.

‡ But don't follow the link through to Pascal's Wager. Great Cthulhu tried that, and Mine eyes rolled up into Mine sockets, and Mine liver was forced to jump up into Mine skull and strangle Mine brain before Mighty Cthulhu suffered a Mighty aneurysm.

Posted by: Great Cthulhu / <$BlogItemDateTime $>
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