Call of Cthulhu

TYPICAL NEWS CYCLE

For example, Bush is speaking, suddenly he stops, drops his pants and eats a baby.

Initial impression --- Bad, film of Bush holding baby by neck, his bloody face buried in the infant's midsection. His face withdraws from the now quivering torso covered with blood and entrails, a crazed look in his eye.

First GOP response: I heard it from another guy, who knows this guy that was Osama's baby and it was loaded with explosives.

Instantaneously Drudge Reports: Bush saves crowd from Osama's Bomb

NY Post reports: Bush saves world from Demon Baby

Wash. Times reports: Bush saves world from Demon Baby just like Reverend Moon fortold.

Typical Freeper: Bush saves crowd from Osama's Bomb, linky linky

Newscycle ends.

Next morning newscycle:

NY Times: Baby was not Osama's, not loaded with explosives.

NBC: Our report last night saying that the Baby might have contained explosives was not correct.

John Kerry: When John Kerry is president he will not eat an innocent child. The President needs to apologize.

Ed Gillespie: I think it is terrible that John Kerry now criticizes President Bush for acting quickly to protect people given the information he had at the time.

Associated Press: Security experts say there was no information that it was necessary to eat a baby, especially while not wearing pants.

The Corner: We know it looks bad that Bush ate a baby, but Cliff May says he knows the mother of the baby, and its well known she is a terrorist.

Typical Freeper returns: Roh, Roh, Baby may have been terrorist after all.

Wash Post: Baby's mother is named Shirley Gustafson, is from Wisconsin, a baptist, and works as a Greeter at Wal-Mart.

Wall Street Journal Editorialist: You cannot tell me that Kerry didn't kill and eat all sorts of babies in Vietnam! In fact, I spoke to John O'Neil who says that Kerry once ate an entire Vietnamese Orphanage.

Fox News: The baby was already dead when he found it, killed by insurgents before he arrived. He was eating the baby out of compassion, to spare its parents the trauma of seeing the body.
--Liz

Tom Ridge/Homeland Security: The baby was trying to cross the border without proper papers-Ted Nugent brought it down with a bow and arrow. Ann Coulter was there to verify the kill.
--The Culture Ghost

SecDef Donald Rumskull: Reports that say that the President ate a baby are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known babies; there are babies we know we know. We also know there are baby unknowns; that is to say we know there are some babies we do not know. But there are also unknown babies — the babies we don't know we don't know.
--Great Cthulhu and Donald Rumskull