Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagn'nagl fhtagn ("In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."). --HP Lovecraft, The Call of Cthulhu

The stars hath turned in the heavens once more: Mighty Cthulhu stirs. His dreams reacheth forth, communing with those with ears to hear. Iä! Shub-Niggurath! His thoughts trample down along the pathways of thy mind; thou knowest His footprints, each of which is a wound...

Thursday, April 15, 2004

"Greetings, man-apes! Tis good to know that thou art dedicated to Mine cause: To slay one another with abandon that Cthulhu might one day haveth back His sandbox.

"One of thee hast made her way to Falluja, and testifies to what she has seen. Verily, she hast witnessed thine pursuit of Armageddon:

The doctor rushes out to meet me: "Can you go to fetch a lady, she is pregnant and she is delivering the baby too soon?"

Azzam is driving, Ahmed in the middle directing him and me by the window, the visible foreigner, the passport. Something scatters across my hand, simultaneous with the crashing of a bullet through the ambulance, some plastic part dislodged, flying through the window.

We stop, turn off the siren, keep the blue light flashing, wait, eyes on the silhouettes of men in US marine uniforms on the corners of the buildings. Several shots come. We duck, get as low as possible and I can see tiny red lights whipping past the window, past my head. Some, it's hard to tell, are hitting the ambulance I start singing. What else do you do when someone's shooting at you? A tyre bursts with an enormous noise and a jerk of the vehicle.

I'm outraged. We're trying to get to a woman who's giving birth without any medical attention, without electricity, in a city under siege, in a clearly marked ambulance, and you're shooting at us. How dare you?

How dare you?

Azzam grabs the gear stick and gets the ambulance into reverse, another tyre bursting as we go over the ridge in the centre of the road , the shots still coming as we flee around the corner. I carry on singing. The wheels are scraping, burst rubber burning on the road.

The men run for a stretcher as we arrive and I shake my head. They spot the new bullet holes and run to see if we're OK. Is there any other way to get to her, I want to know. "La, maaku tarieq." There is no other way. They say we did the right thing. They say they've fixed the ambulance four times already and they'll fix it again but the radiator's gone and the wheels are buckled and she's still at home in the dark giving birth alone. I let her down.

"Ah, mortals! Thou sendest thine warriors to inflame the hatred of others, and hast succeeded in thine endeavors so very well. Thus is Cthulhu's favorite tentacle tickled so gleefully.

"Tis true, there art those amongst thee that would end this strife. Cast them behind thee, commands Great Cthulhu. Question their patriotism, smear their characters. Let not such ones distract thee from thine glorious pursuit of ye Apocalypse. For if such dissenters should have their way, then peace shalt break out everywhere...and then Mighty Cthulhu shalt just come un-fucking-glued."

--so rants foul Cthulhu

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Get Your War On

Woe! Woe unto Man! Great Cthulhu dreams unto thee once more:

"Salutations! puny mortals. Hast thee missed Me?

"Verily, Cthulhu can see that thou hast been busy these past few fortnights. Striving obediently to please Me, ye little spawn of apes hath endeavored mightily to bring joy unto Cthulhu. Legion art thy efforts to enjoin Death upon thine brothers, and Cthulhu hast not the time to praise all thine doings. Let us, therefore, giggle mirthfully only upon thine latest works:

"All-seeing Cthulhu notes with glee that ye mortals go straight to the heart of the matter, the very cradle of ye civilization: Mess-o'-potamia. O! spawn of wyrms, thou makest Mine favorite tentacle to jiggle most joyfully! Couldst thou yanquis bungle this more? To turn such an insignificant grub into such a symbol of heroism...verily, thine sense of empathy be most blind indeed.

"Seeing this, Great Cthulhu didst seek of ye Sumerians if they wouldst truly struggle on behalf of such a one. Oho, mortals! Much giggling there was, and slapping of knees, when Cthulhu read such things:

"Ahmed Mansur, I believe his name was, was actually standing there, in the middle of the bombing, shouting to be heard over the F-16s and helicopters blasting away at houses and buildings. It brought back the days of 'shock and awe'...I know it bothers the CPA terribly to have the corpses of dead Iraqis shown on television." --Riverbend

"I really want to understand from Rumsfeld where are his “majority”?? the “majority” of Iraqis that are against the current uprising, the majority that he wants to help them in reaching to their freedom… where are they?
If the millions in the “Sunni Triangle” are the minority, and the other millions of AsSadr are the minority… where are the majority? In Washington?
And if the minority can do all of this! And kick the coalition forces from cities like Kut… what can the majority do? Occupy the United States?"

"Some people who have read my eyewitness reports confirming U.S. sniping at ambulances in Fallujah have written to accuse me of "having an agenda" and therefore lying about what I saw. Others have written to accuse me of being an Iraqi or of having a non-European name and therefore lying about what I saw. They are a very small minority of those who have written, but, because a picture apparently is still worth 1000 words." --Rahul Mahajan

"So, no, mortals, thine Sumerian brethren will not fight for such a one; but they will fight for one another. So continue baptizing thine brothers with cluster-bombs, O sons of dust. Truly, Great Cthulhu is mightily pleased. All that thee can do to consume one another with flame and fury ye have done with clever abandon!

"And so, what next? Stay tuned, mortals, for Cthulhu knows that thee shalt not let Him down!"

--thus raves Great Cthulhu

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